I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
