I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
