hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
