look no pants
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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