Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
