My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
if only i could text you this smell
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
