I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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