Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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