sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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