found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
