Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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