the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
