It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
