You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
