i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
