bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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