I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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