Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
