...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
