I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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