Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
