Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
