dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
