....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
do herpes really smell.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
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The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
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He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room