So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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