capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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