as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
