Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
