): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
