I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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