kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
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