She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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