i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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