Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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