He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
