dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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