everyone is single if you try hard enough
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
