apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
