he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
