Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
