I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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