does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
