Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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