he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
