forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
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We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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