You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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