So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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