Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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