He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the condom got lost in my hair
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
