i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
