Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
A bitchslap is in order.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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