those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
