I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
