ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
