hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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