I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Man, jail baloney is awful.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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