You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
