ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
