It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
