I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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