Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
