do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
