he puts the penis in happiness.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Randomize
