can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
