you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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