i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
