A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
