you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
