I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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