I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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