All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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