The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Randomize
