If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well I can't set my house on fire every night
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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