grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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