I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize