Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
