I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Randomize
