I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
