The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
