There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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