No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize