I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
