I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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