it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
