that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
