i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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