You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
