if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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