I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
