i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
