So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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