do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
