I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
