Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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